I decided to put The Beast in preschool two days a week so that he and I can still love each other. I kid.
I put him in school so that we don’t kill each other. No, I’m kidding.
It’s really more the first one.
Last week The Beast and I had a week that was epically contentious. There was screaming. There was weeping. There was head banging. And then there was all the stuff The Beast was doing. Anyway, one day, after a 30-minute battle of wills that began because of my inability to figure out which snack The Beast wanted because of his inability to speak coherently, I started to pray out loud.
At that moment, God in a very clear voice told me, “Put him in preschool.”
It’s possible that the voice wasn’t so much God as it was an alcohol-induced hallucination, but on the chance that it was God, I decided to listen.
I don’t really hear voices or drink to excess…during the day.
All of that is completely not the point of this post. The point is this: This little assault on the rules of grammar was sent home on The Beast’s supply list for preschool:
Wait — what? Do you smell burning toast? Did I just have a stroke?
Did you read it twice to see if it makes any more sense the second time? Trust me, it doesn’t.
There are so many things wrong with this paragraph that I have a hard time pinpointing what specifically is causing my eyes to twitch and my temples to throb and that little vein in my forehead to pop out. However, if I had to guess, aside from the general idiocy of the second sentence and the ridiculous font, I think what bothers me most is that this woman — a woman who appears to be completely unaware that “their,” “they’re” and “there” are three different words — is being paid to assist my toddler in his early education.
Now, understand, this isn’t irritating enough for me to pull him out of the school. After all, God (tequila?) did tell me to put him there (their? they’re?). But do you think she read over this aneurysm-inducer and thought to herself, “Somethin’ just doesn’t seem right with that paragraph, but, my gosh, this frilly font sure is pretty”?
I fully expect The Beast to come home from school just a little dumber than he was when I dropped him off.
Well, I must run. I need to go to the store to buy “a apple” since that’s on the supply list for next week.
God help my child not to end up stupid.
P.S. I have a degree in English and I highly recommend pursuing an English degree. It makes you entirely marketable in so many areas. It totally doesn’t make you overly critical of other people’s grammar. [Please assume that all of my typos are intentional.] And just think, you, too, may someday be qualified to have a blog that nobody reads.