Kid’s programs that make me want to throw things at my T.V.

Snappy title, don’t you think?

A few questions that have popped into my mind while watching the brain-cell-killing children’s programming that The Beast loves.

1.  Considering Dora carries everything she could ever possibly need in her backpack, including but not limited to ropes, flashlights, books, ice cream cones, plants, sleds, snow shoes, etc., why didn’t she just find a whistle in her backpack for Azul the train instead of making us suffer through the great train race?

2.  Why does Caillou always wear shorts and a T-shirt while all those around him are bundled up in sweaters and pants?  I know why I hate him, but why do his parents want him to catch pneumonia and die?  Is it his voice?  And why is his house so bright?  Who has a kitchen that’s painted entirely in primary colors, plus green?

3.  Why doesn’t anyone in Dino Dan’s world tell him that he’s the only one who can see the dinosaurs?  Why don’t they take him to a psychiatrist to see why he’s imagining these horribly colorful dinosaurs that, while being as tall as three-story buildings and creating earthquake-like tremors when they run, are discernible to no one but him?  Why doesn’t his mom commit him, or at the very least medicate him?  And why is his little brother the worst child actor in the history of ever?  Which producer’s child is this?  There’s no way that child was the best in a process that included auditions.

4.  Do the Fresh Beat Band members show up to work each day and pray for the rapture to remove them from the horrible employment situation they find themselves in?  Also, what sort of auditory crack is in their songs that makes The Beast insist that our entire household dance every time they sing?

5.  Yo Gabba Gabba…I can’t even form a coherent thought on this show other than somebody high on something had to come up with it.  No other possible explanation for a children’s show that includes a character that looks like a giant implement of internal self-massage. (Pardon my crassness.)

6.  Lastly, why am I utterly incapable of repeating any of the Chinese words on Ni Hao, Kai-lan?

Before you get all judgy on me for letting The Beast watch all these shows, he doesn’t watch them all on the same day.

I’m totally lying.  I plop him down in front of the TV at 7:00 a.m. and don’t even attempt to move him until it’s time for his nap.

Quit judging me.  It’s either that or alcoholism.


6 thoughts on “Kid’s programs that make me want to throw things at my T.V.

  1. Oh my gosh! This list was PERFECT!!!!!!! Mine doesn’t watch some of them, but Dora she does and has watched some of the others. When Yo Gabba Gabba first became popular I would say something about the guy that looks like the “self-massage” device and people would look at me like I was crazy! Now, everyone is laughing about it and I’m all like, I have been saying that forever!!!!!!!

    Here are some more:

    Max & Ruby – Where are their parents, and why does Grandma only visit if their parents are always gone? And what neighborhood do they live in that a child that can barely talk can take a list to the grocery store and get everything to make a cake?

    The Backyardigans – Seriously? Lay off the crack!!!!!!!!! (This one is on right now)

  2. This is awesome!! And I agree with the above comment about Max & Ruby – where on God’s green earth are their parents?!?!?!

  3. I just came across your blog and I’ve been laughing out loud now for the past 15 minutes. Classic stuff here. The first time I saw Yo Gaba Gaba I had the same thought as the previous commenter. Why is there a big red dildo with pleasure bumps jumping around? And how does DJ Lance Rock fit into his spandex? Does he tape his junk down? That being said, I actually do love that show!

  4. Yo Gabba Gabba has to be the result of an extended drug trip. I am fairly sure that Jack Black must have written the episode that he starred in. We are finally past that stage, but it was painful while it lasted1

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