If you’ve never read this blog before, read my previous post here, otherwise you’re going to be as confused as a Kardashian in a library. (I’ve never watched the Kardashians, but somehow I know that I hate them and that they are as dumb as cheese. And not smart cheese like Gruyère; stupid cheese like Velveeta.)
Based upon your suggestions I called iTunes yesterday. Well, actually, I e-mailed employees at both iTunes and the game developer who I’d still like to beat with a gem tree branch, and after being directed to various Web sites that were as helpful to me as a book written in binary code, I was finally directed to the proper Web site (yes, it was iTunes) and filled out this little form asking me how I’d like to discuss my dispute: via e-mail, a web chat or phone.
Well, The Beast was at home and not yet sleepy from the Benadryl, (I’m kidding. I do not drug my toddler. Unless you count Ritalin. And Benadryl.) so I decided that a phone call would work best because if he sees me on the computer, he tries to destroy it.
I entered my home phone number into the proper field and hit “submit” and my phone rang instantly!
I love this new-fangled internets!
So I picked up the phone and this recording told me to select “1” to speak with an iTunes helper person (official job title). So I selected “1” and a gentleman named Brandon immediately answered the phone.
Anyway, I tore Brandon a new one about my bill. (I really don’t know what “tore a new one” means; I’m slightly afraid that it’s perverse in nature, so I’m not Googling it. I apologize if it’s offensive. Unless you’re a Kardashian or like the Kardashians, in which case I’m actually trying to offend you.) I told him there was no way in hell I was paying for these charges and he could suck on an iPod if he thought I was.
That’s actually a lie. I just told him I didn’t authorize the purchases and he instantly offered me a full refund. And since I had only entered my password on the first day for The Good One to purchase two piles of gems (I feel like an ass just typing that) and purchases were still being made for two days afterwards and at no time did I re-enter my password, he said there is a possibility my account had been hacked.
So, first of all, let me just say that iTunes does not suck. I’ve never had a refund given to me so quickly and without question. I’m pretty sure I could have gotten a refund for every iTunes purchase I’ve made over the last year if I had wanted to.
Secondly, it appears that The Good One was telling the truth about not having purchased the gem tree and only offered his cash up so easily because he felt terrible about the money. (One of the benefits of complaining about money in front of your kids.) He has been reinstated as The Good One, has been ungrounded from seeing Star Wars in 3-D on Friday and I returned the $120 he had paid me.
Also, I feel bad for saying that I thought he was a special kind of stupid in my other post.
But I don’t feel too bad, because while he gets all As and Bs on his report cards, this is the same child who got a 52 on an open-book, multiple-choice test.
Want to know what answer he picked for where the longest chain of barrier islands is in the United States?
From Kansas to Kentucky.
Kansas. To Kentucky. Barrier islands.
In a completely land-locked part of the country.
Not even kidding a little bit.
I have no idea where the longest chain of barrier islands is in the United States, but I feel certain it is in water.
I’ve drawn a little picture in appreciation for your help in getting my money back.