I’m supposed to be cleaning my house today because my family members are pigs, so I only have time to give you this little nugget of wisdom that occurred to me as I walked past a mom who was picking her child up from preschool today.
If you see Sofia Vergara on a CoverGirl commercial and she’s wearing bright purple eyeshadow and you think to yourself, “I like the way that looks. I bet I can pull that off,” let me assure you that you most definitely cannot.
There are only two possible thoughts that people who see you will have:
1. Wow, that woman really needs to stop letting her one-eyed, farsighted daughter do her eye makeup with Magic Markers.
2. Look, it’s Lap Dance Barbie!
If you’re over the age of 15 and you’re wearing bright purple eyeshadow right now, go take it off.
[P.S.: If you happen to Google “lap dance” to see if it’s one word or two, make sure your kids aren’t around, otherwise you’ll have to explain some rather interesting images that pop up. I’m probably going to start getting hooker spam just for Googling that.]