Here is a list of excuses for why I haven’t posted in two weeks:
1. The Beast has been out of preschool since May 15th, and I have discovered that I get nothing accomplished when he is home. Apparently I was a lot more productive in those 8 free hours per week than I realized. There is no telling how frequently I’ll post this summer. Hats off to you if you’re a mom who posts daily. I have no idea how you do it.
2. I have been obsessively planning The Beast’s 3rd birthday party. It’s going to be a Toy Story theme and it will be better than anything you could over hope to do for your child. My party will put your party to shame. After I post the pictures of my party, you will feel entirely inadequate as a mother.
Point #2 is a complete and total lie. My party will most likely blow, because while I have been obsessively searching the Internet for party ideas and have bookmarked about 3,000 web sites for various reasons, I have done no actual party work. This is what I always do. I get lost in the vortex that is the information available on the Internet and then I become so overwhelmed that I just give up. Most likely The Beast’s party will entail a store-bought cake and three Mylar balloons that I will purchase the morning of the party.
3. The Good One had a science project that was due last week, and, as we all know, the student does little to no actual work on science projects. The Good One had to make a model of a Blue-banded Goby fish and a model of red algae. Again, I got lost in the quagmire of the Internet and finally gave up and bought Swedish Fish and had The Good One paint blue stripes on them. Then I bought two stems of fake foliage and had The Good One and Virginia Slims Man spray paint them red. Then we stuck it all into a styrofoam circle. Honestly, it was probably the best project we’ve ever done.
We’re not very good at projects.
This brings up another point, who the hell assigns two science projects to be handed in the second to last week of school? Is it to make sure that the kids don’t just flake out the last month? Is it to give them all an easy A to pad their grades? I think their goal is to make me drink. Mission accomplished.
4. Lastly, the reason I haven’t posted anything in a while is that I have been utterly and completely unmotivated and uninspired. And rather than give you a crappy post about nothing, I give you actual nothing.
To prove to you how unmotivated I am, I’m not proofreading this post. Feel free to send me a corrected version.