I’m going to start a support group for people who are hypocrites, and I’m going to be the CEO, President, Grand Poobah, The Man, Big Cheese and Miss Bossypants because I’m a big, giant, flaming hypocrite.
Would you like to know what has consumed my every extra minute for the past two weeks?
Planning The Beast’s birthday party.
You know, that thing I wrote a blog post about 2 weeks ago where I made fun of those stupid, vain people who rent out convention centers so they can show their friends how awesome they are?
Yeah, I became one of those people.
You know what I blame? I blame Pinterest. And Etsy. Those two web sites will suck you in and have you saying things to yourself like, “Ooh, only $7 for a printable Toy Story inspired popcorn/treat box. I need that.” And, “Ooh, those gift tags are adorable. I bet that in spite of my complete lack of craftiness and artsy-fartsy-ness, I can totally make those gift tags.” And things like, “Oh my, that treat table tablescape is absolutely adorable. I can totally do that even though I don’t actually own a tablecloth and hate the word ‘tablescape.'”
I found myself spending countless hours in the middle of the night creating birthday logos and Toy Story stickers. I spent days cutting out Toy Story cupcake toppers and gluing together popcorn boxes. I spent many late nights creating food labels. Food labels! Who in their right mind creates food labels? I’ll tell you who. A hypocrite who spends too much time on Etsy! I had things like “Al’s Cheese Puffs” with a picture of Al from Toy Story 2. And I had “Woody’s Round-up Licorice Ropes” with a picture of Woody throwing a lasso. Then there was the cake. I must have spent three hours looking at images of Toy Story cakes to find one to recreate.
And about two days before the party, I was sitting at my desk in the kitchen attempting to draw up a blueprint of my cake when The Beast approached me and wanted to play and I told him no, that I was too busy to play. It was at that moment that it occurred to me that I had completely lost sight of what was really important. Don’t get me wrong, my cake pops were adorable and my cupcake toppers rocked, but I started neglecting my child so that I could spend ridiculous amounts of time on crafts that my child didn’t care about.
The Beast didn’t care about the Woody popcorn boxes. He just cared about the Twizzlers inside them. He didn’t care that I had a label for “Pizza Planet Rolls” and “Rex’s Dino Nuggets.” He just wanted his friends to come play, to eat cake and to have his mom available to play with him.
I dropped the ball. His party became more about me than about him, and that’s where I screwed up.
Virginia Slims Man told me multiple times that I was going overboard, and I ignored him. I almost never do that, and by “almost never” I mean nearly daily. It’s one of the things he loves most about me.
So I’m starting Hypocrites Anonymous. Feel free to join me. I’ll bake a cake for our first meeting.
It’ll probably have a food label.