Note about previous post.

My mother just called to tell me that my previous post was good, except for the part where I called The Beast an idiot.  She found this offensive.

People, for the love of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, I’m kidding.

I do not now, nor will I ever think my child is truly an idiot. Actually, that’s not true.  There are some things I can imagine happening in his, and The Good One’s, teenage years that could potentially warrant the use of the title “Idiot.”

But have we not already established that he’s an evil genius?

He’s 3 and he says words incorrectly, and I use that for humor.  If I offend you, I suggest you find a way to deal with it, because I’ll probably call him, The Good One and Virginia Slims Man a lot more names before I quit this highly unlucrative blogging business.

And if you’re concerned about him reading this and being offended, don’t.  While he is a genius, he doesn’t read yet and I’ll be sure to shut this baby down before he ever gets wind of my concern that he might someday concoct a nefarious plot to take over the world.

But honestly, what parent hasn’t at one time or another thought that their kids are idiots?

I feel confident that my parents thought we were idiots most of the time, because we were.  We nearly killed our family by using paint thinner in a poorly ventilated garage.  We made gifts of “perfume” for our friends by mixing 72 varieties of toilette water, and instead of providing anything resembling perfume, we provided the gift of raging headaches to our entire household.

We were idiots.  All kids are.

What is the world coming to when we can’t even joke about our kids being morons without people getting their knickers all sucked up their butt cheeks?


14 thoughts on “Note about previous post.

  1. We have 2 boys (early 20-somethings) that I call (under my breath, of course) “idiot” on a weekly basis. Oh, I don’t know…. another speeding ticket, constable knocking on my door because ticket never paid, running over a curb and causing 5000$ worth of damage to car, bringing a girl into his room IN OUR HOUSE while little sister asleep in next room, trying to quietly host a party complete with our liquor and other (not ours) unmentionables IN OUR HOUSE while we’re asleep on next floor….. shall I continue? The point is – kids of all ages can be complete idiots – they’re still learning. Even the 20 year olds. That doesn’t mean we don’t love them, support them and do all we can to help them become the best human beings they can be. No knickers in butt-cheeks on this corner. 🙂

    • ….. just for the record – their mother was an idiot too (I’m the step-mom but have been around an awfully long time though I’ve never claimed to be perfect either).

  2. Our parents repressed their memories of us as young children. They just did. My mom goes on about how I was a perfect child, and i look at my three children and try to figure out what I’m doing wrong because they are so not perfect, and I blame my husband’s DNA. Last night we were out to dinner (my kids and me and my parents, visiting from Erie), and my kids were ok, but not very perfect, and the 2-year-old wanted to sit on my lap, and I couldn’t eat, and the 8yo read and ignored everyone (and ate some dinner), and my 6yo reached over things and begged my father for meat from his fajita (I had been raising them vegetarians) and crawled under the table, and my mother said to my dad, “Our kids didn’t act like this in restaurants” and God bless my father because he said, “They did. You just don’t remember. We sometimes had to leave early, and we didn’t get to eat sometimes. They aren’t bad; they’re just kids.” And that’s why he’s my favorite parent.

    Here’s another theory: Our parents feel differently about US (their children) than they do about their GRANDCHILDREN. Their grandchildren are perfect, and not idiots. So even though our children ARE idiots because they are children, our parents will be offended about it if we call them out on it.

    • Your theory about grandparents believing their grandchildren are perfect even in those moments when their grandchildren appear to be the spawn of hell is right on! I talked to my mom last night and that’s exactly what it is. Her grandchildren, while clearly not perfect, are perfect to her and she’s incredibly protective of them. My poor mom is probably offended by every blog post I’ve ever written.

      And your dad is awesome.

  3. Call me a bitch but that part made me laugh. Mom of the year candidate up in here. (Me, not you) Damn kids making us crazy and turning into knife spitting banshees.

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